I haven't done an update on my POHS in quite some time, so I thought I'd do that today.  It has escaped my mind because there hasn't been much to talk about really.  Which thinking about that, means I actually should be shouting from the rooftops and being grateful!

If you're unfamiliar with POHS or my issues with this, you can find all my POHS posts here.  In short: POHS stands for Presumed Ocular Histoplasmosis Syndrome.  It's a syndrome affecting the eye, which attacks your central vision.

Now on to the good news!  The reason I've been quiet about it lately is because my bleeds haven't been active!  I haven't received treatment since February!  This is the longest I've gone without injections since I was diagnosed.  I'm over the moon about it!  It's such an amazing feeling for the doctor to come in and say "everything looks good, we'll see you in 6 weeks"!

Now when I say everything is "good" I'm talking about my good eye.  It has been affected by POHS but it's the only good eye I have left.  My right eye has 100% central vision loss.  My left eye is my good eye, so we're doing everything to keep vision strong in it.  We don't even treat my right eye anymore because the scarring is too significant and irreversible.  My left eye has been active for quite some time and I was receiving regular injections in it for over a year.  So to go 6 months without issues has been such a relief!

I know that it can flare up at any time and I'm mentally prepared for that.  But for right now, I'm basking in thankfulness!

my quarter-life crisis

Okay so here's the deal...  I've spent the last week taking a break from blogging to regroup && reorganize.  Not only did this apply to my house but it applied to my life.  I've needed some "me" time to reflect && make some important decisions for myself.  I'm feeling much better now that I have some of this worked out.  Let's talk about it...

||1} POHS: My eye health is a constant stress to me.  Having Presumed Ocular Histoplasmosis is not only frightening [due to the loss of vision], it puts a major strain on me financially for treatments.  I have lots of doctor appointments && due to the nature of the syndrome and treatment, I have to have someone drive me to and from the appointments.  I HATE having to rely on people.  I'm an independent person, and it really bothers me to have to ask people for help.  I've completely lost central vision in my right eye, and my left eye is getting blind spots && acting up.  I have to really focus and work hard to protect my eyes.  

||2} Home: You guys since I've started dedicating so much time and effort into my blog, my household duties have been ignored.  I LOVE getting on the computer first thing in morning, reading other blogs, promoting my post for the day, work on more posts, etc etc etc... I've been working SO hard on this blog, that some days I sit in front of the computer for 12hrs.  I've let it completely consume me.  I love my blog, I love writing, and I love being a part of the blogging community.  I will never ever let that go.  I've just had to rework and prioritize a schedule for myself.  This way I don't let myself totally lose an entire day staring at a computer screen [which probably isn't good for my eye health either].

||3} Weight: I'm overweight.  The end.  I'm not going to make excuses for myself or tell you my life story.  I'm just going to tell you that when my mom died, I started packing on the pounds.  I turn 32 [omg thirty two...] next month && my weight and overall health has been weighing heavily my mind.  So far, for being overweight I've been lucky.  No diabetes, no high blood pressure, no high cholesterol... everything is good.  Which is also hella impressive since I was a smoker.  I think it's high time that I get healthy and in shape BEFORE something does end up going south.  I've got enough problems with my eyes, I don't need to add any other health issues to it.  It's time to make some changes && get myself into the gym that I already pay for every month, ahah.

||4} Health: Several years ago I saw a doctor about some stomach issues I was having.  We did some dietary testing and I found that I'm intolerant to red meat, gluten, and dairy.  I was seriously deficient in B12 and malnourished.  I was tested for Celiac Disease but in the end ruled it out.  I was PISSED that the doctor decided I had a gluten intolerance.  Seriously.  There is soooo much bandwagon Gluten-Free people that it feels like a "fad" instead of an actual issue.  Sometimes it's hard to remember that people have an actual problem with gluten, unlike the people that just say they do cause they think it's the cool thing right now.  I don't get it.  I LOVE bread.  Whyyy would you choose to be gluten free if you don't have to be?  That's insane.  
I rigorously watched what I ate for about 6 months.  Paying attention to keeping my gluten intake low to non-existent, not eating red meat, and pretending to keep dairy to a minimum [I love cheese].  Then one day I just kinda stopped.  Got lazy && quit caring.  Well last week I grabbed Subway on my way to work.  I ate it that evening at work, and felt absolutely miserable.  Mind you, I always feel miserable after I eat but something about this particular night was worse.  I decided right then and there, that it's time to cut out the foods that I'm intolerant to because I'm tired of feeling like this.

So as you can see, I did a lot of reflecting on my vacay from blogging.  It was incredibly necessary, and I'm ready to implement changes.  I'm quite sure that you will see these topics arise throughout my journey.  

13 most effective ways to relax

With my POHS keeping my stress low is very important.  Studies have shown that stress can elevate complications with POHS.  I can't say I live an overly stressful life as it is.  I only work part-time outside the home [28hrs], my son is 16 so I don't have little ones, and aside from the POHS itself I don't have many issues in my day to day life.  That being said, I DO have a teenager, ahah, so sometimes that CAN be stressful.  I also have typical money worries, especially with my medical bills, like everyone else.  Then there's just those days where no matter what you do, everything goes wrong.  

Spending time with my family at the end of the day, is a great stress reducer.  I enjoy visiting with them && hearing about their day.  Jess currently works 2 jobs [60+hrs] and is going to college.  Christian is in high school and definitely isn't lacking in extra curricular activities.  

When I was diagnosed with POHS, my life was at its most hectic.  I was working 2 jobs and balancing family along with my home management duties.  I know that many women do this & more daily... and to you I tip my hat!  I am not super woman.  I have mad respect for women that are.  I believe that the stress in my life at that time is what caused my POHS to come out of dormancy.  Since then I have studied && researched endlessly for the best ways to live the most stress free life possible.

Today I'm going to share with you ways to efficiently relax.  I can't kick the stress from your life, but I'm sure going to help you cope with it.  

1. Sleep:  I believe that everyone has a number of hours of sleep "sweet spot".  For me it's about 5.5hrs.  Too little sleep can make you tired, and too much sleep can make you tired.  When you're tired, your mind can't handle conflict & stress properly.  Proper sleep is vital to mental health.  
2. Yoga and/or Meditation:  I don't care what level of shape you are in [heaven knows I'm in horrible shape...] you can do yoga.  Yoga is AMAZING at calming the body, mind, & spirit.  There are also guided meditations specifically for "total relaxation".  I have several guided meditation podcasts saved onto my phone for when I'm in urgent need of pure relaxation.
3. Fancy bath:  That's right, I said fancy.  Fill up your tub, add your favorite bath products, light candles, turn off the lights, and silent all of your electronics.  I have a stash of LUSH products for exceptionally bad days.  During the winter months when it's colder, I tend to take a bath every night.  In the summer, I'll end the day with a fancy shower.  For those of you that hate baths, you can definitely take a "fancy shower".  Same rules apply.  Pull out some wonderful smelling shower gel, apply a mask to your hair, light candles, and turn the lights off.  Add your favorite "chill" music.  
4. Read:  I'm a huge book worm so I end each night by either reading in the tub, or reading in bed after my bath.  Reading helps to rid the mind of anything stressful, and distract you.  Take you to another place where you can zone out.
5. Warm Milk or Hot Tea:  This goes along with my tub... see a bedtime routine pattern here?  When I take a long hot bath I will usually bring in a cup of my favorite hot tea.  Purchase relaxing teas or make your own tincture with dried chamomile, passion flowers, lavender, and lemon balm from an herb store.
6. Journaling:  Writing in a journal can help you pin point your main areas of stress.  Sometimes just even "talking" it out on paper is therapeutic.  Also, you can keep a gratitude journal.  Taking note of your gratitude's can help you appreciate more, and not stress about the little stuff.
7. Time Management:  Learn how to manage your time.  Have a plan of attack every single morning before you wake up.  Write out a "realistic" list of what you need to accomplish the next day every night.  When you're organized and on task, it significantly reduces day to day stress.
8. Learn to say no:  Don't overload your plate with more than you can handle.  If you pile so much on yourself, that you can't realistically complete it you are asking for trouble.  Don't do this to yourself.  It doesn't make you a bad person to say no.  Think about yourself & your limits.  Be kind to yourself.
9. Take a cat nap:  If you can squeeze in a 20-30min cat nap into your day, it can do wonders!  I typically take a little cat nap each day around 2pm before I pick up everyone from school.  It's a little refresher in between my daily duties and my nightly duties.  
10. Surround yourself with pleasant scents & textiles:  Create a "sanctuary" of sorts for yourself.  Mine is in my home office.  It's where I spend the majority of my day, so I make it my own personal utopia.  If you work in an office or cubicle, incorporate your sanctuary into your work place.  Pinterest has a TON of wonderful office && cubicle ideas for personalization. 
11. Play:  Okay hear me out... In "Simple Abundance" Sarah Ban Breathnach teaches us the importance of having a toy box.  [Not that kind, get your mind out of the gutter, lol]  I keep a crate in the top of my closet with crayons, Hello Kitty coloring books, and other random items that aren't considered for "grown ups".  I don't mean sit down and color with your kids.  I mean sit down by yourself and play with your own toys.  This simple and unconventional idea can work wonders.
12. Music:  I love music.  I couldn't live life without it.  It's my air.  Whatever music you like to listen to, have a specific play list of music that makes you calm & relaxed.  This doesn't mean you have to listen to classical.  Some of my most relaxing music is Pink Floyd and A Perfect Circle aha!  Whatever works for you.  Music heals.
13. Have a routine:  Get up at the same time every day, and go to bed at the same time every day.  Having routine is good for your mind.  It helps keep things in motion and creates less hiccups throughout your day.

I hope you find these techniques helpful!  I know they've done wonders for me.  Just remember to breathe... deep breathes will get you through anything.  Also, I highly recommend snuggling kitties.  Works every time.

What are you favorite ways to relax and de-stress? 

avastin update [8.12.14]

Holy. Smokes.

This last Avastin shot reallyyy kicked my butt.  Ugh.  I'm so sorry that I've been away for so long.  I wasn't expecting this most recent shot to take me down like it has.  It's been awful.  Much different experience than my shot last year.

They started a different technique with the shot since my last one.  The shot procedure I had last year consisted of the numbing, shot, then antibiotic drops for weeks after.  This time they do numbing, beta-dine, shot, no drops.  The beta-dine is to replace the need for the antibiotic drops.  However, some people experience more pain && scratchiness afterwards with the beta-dine.  I sure as heck did.  For far too long.  It's been miserable.

I'm finally starting to get to where I can look at the computer screen long enough to get some work done.  So I should be back to regularly scheduled blogging =]

I have an update appointment with my Retinal Specialist next month to see if the Avastin shot did what it's supposed to this time around.  I've noticed some improvement in my vision, but still have several "flickering" spots that haven't dissapated.  I'm hoping they do soon so I don't need another shot next month...  At least now I know to plan waayyy ahead && have several posts scheduled for after the shot!

Thank you for being patient with me <333 I love you guys!

View my most recent POHS post here

avastin day [pohs update]

Today I will be receiving my Avastin shot for my POHS.  [I've obviously pre-written this post.]  Just wanted to remind you all that today is the day.  I may be absent for a little while, depending on how long it takes me to recover.  I tend to experience severe drowsiness && nausea for several days after my shots.  For my fellow POHS sufferers:  do you have the same experience with your Avastin shot?  I know my reaction to the shot is semi common, but I also know a lot of people have no reaction to it at all.

I will be doing a week by week update on the progress of my shot.  These have been very popular viewed posts in the past.  I want to offer support & info to other people with POHS.  There's not a lot out there for us.  

I've touched on myyy POHS before but I don't think I've fully talked about my condition.  My right eye has 100% central vision loss.  The scarring is too bad to come back from on it.  My left eye I'm working hard as hell to preserve.  It's the one I'm getting the shot in.  The POHS is active in that eye, and I'm doing everything I can to keep it from permanent vision loss.

Currently my vision in my right eye looks like this...

You can see that I have my peripheral vision && a slight spot in the middle that is clear.  Though that little spot provides no help in actually seeing anything.  This should give you a better idea of the severity of POHS, and obviously why I don't want my good eye to end up like this one.  I'd be severely vision impaired.  No longer would I be able to look directly at anything or anyone.  

Well there's a little bit of a peek into my syndrome.  For those of you that don't have POHS, this might help you understand a little bit more.  

*View ALL of my Presumed Ocular Histoplasmosis Syndrome posts*

dealing with a syndrome [good vibes only]

Dealing with a disease/syndrome/illness can be a veryyy trying time.  I've been living with POHS for several years, and only had my diagnosis for a little over a year.  It is incredibly difficult at times to stay positive during "flare ups".  POHS is an expensive syndrom and has no cure.  The main treatment available is an injection of medicine [avastin] into the eyeball.  The treatment can keep it under control for a few weeks or years... you just never know.  I've been incredibly fortunate so far to not have too many flare ups.  

I'm currently dealing with a flare up && will be getting my avastin injection this week.  It brings me down a little because the medicine makes me sick, and takes me out of commission for a little bit.  Not everyone reacts to the medicine the same.  I get incredibly lethargic for the next few days && have a moderate case of nausea.  

I've been dealing with guilt since the onset of my POHS.  I HATE having to spend so much money on this.  Obviously there is no choice here.  If I don't get the injections, I will develop scar tissue and eventually lose all central vision in my eye [my right eye is already in this state].  I hate that I have to pay for very expensive good insurance.  I hate that I have high out of pocket expenses for this syndrom.  I hate that I have to rely on someone to take to && from the doctor because I'm all eye patched up after the shots.  I hate that I feel so terrible for days afterwards.

.....this is the point I get to in my thoughts that I have to make myself STOP.  There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about this syndrome, except treat it && accept it.  Being angry or feeling guilty will not make it go away.  I'm stuck with POHS for life.  This is where I have to make a conscious decision to not allow the bad negativity to enter my brain.  Did I mention that POHS flare ups can be brought on by stress?  

I also have to remind myself to be grateful.  There are much worse things I could be dealing with.  I'm not trying to create a "woe is me" post here.  I'm being real.  I also want everyone else to know, that whatever you're dealing with, it's okay to be upset.  It's okay to be angry.  It's okay to be guilty.  You just have to recognize that you cannot allow those feelings to consume you.  Eventually, you have to step back and think positively.  Negativity will eat you alive.  

Good vibes only.  

Read more posts about my POHS:

Initial Diagnosis

2 days after Avastin #1

1 week after Avastin #1

2 weeks after Avastin #1

Dealing with POHS

.chit chat [November]

Can you believe it's getting close to Christmas already?  This year has really flown by.  Course it seems as I get older, the years go by quicker and quicker.  I can't lie though, I'm very ready for Christmas.  I plan on decorating this week.  There's just something jolly about a house full of whimsy holiday cheer.  I've already finished my holiday shopping and I'm readyyy!  

So yesterday the worst thing happened... Okay so maybe I'm being dramatic, but you all know how I am about my phone.  First thing yesterday morning at work, I dropped my beloved phone into the toilet :'(  She's still sitting in a bag of rice, but I honestly don't have much hope for her.  It has been a very strange 24hrs without a phone.  I stopped into Aldi yesterday after work to pick up a few items I needed.  I went to pull my phone out to check a recipe on Pinterest and was like, "Ohhhhh yeah.....".  I went to set an alarm before bed and was like, "Ohhhhh yeah.....".  Woke up this morning and went to check the weather and was like, "Ohhhh yeah....".  It's been rough! Haha!  Currently, I'm utilizing my laptop && my kindle fire to reach the outside world.  I know that it is sad how dependent we are on technology, but I don't really feel guilty about it.  I love my phone, and I use it non-stop.  I'm getting a loaner phone soon to get me by until I decide what I want to do.  

For those of you that keep up to date with me and my POHS, I can happily report that so far I'm still doing great.  Not much to report there.  Other than I'm having to make some serious health insurance decisions very soon [as I'm sure most people are].  POHS is such an expensive condition to have, && I want to make sure I make wise decisions about my insurance choices.  

Since Thanksgiving is upon us I want to tell you all how thankful I am for you.  Thank you for uplifting me, being a loyal reader, and taking time out of your day to learn about mine.  Blogging is such a blessing and I'm very thankful to get to share that experience with you all <333  

xo Emilee

week in review [6-21]

Woohoo it's friday!  [Which doesn't mean a whole lot to me since I'm currently working 7 days a week...]  My day didn't start out too well, how was yours?  This morning I woke up at 7:59 [work starts at 8am] to my son saying, "mom what time do you work today?"  Talk about a rushed morning!  But I'm here and things have kind of slowed down for the day.  Thought I'd check in and update you guys on some things.  I hope you enjoyed my "working woman's organization" post, cause I'm making it a series!  Expect a new post each week from that series. 

POHS~
I have an appointment on tuesday with my RS as a follow up to my Avastin injection.  Things had been going great, and I considered canceling the appointment [shhh don't tell].  However, yesterday I noticed a "flicker" in the top right of my vision.  It's just a tiny flickering spot, and it's still doing it today.  So now I'm concerned that I may have another bleed, keeping that appointment!  I'll let you know how that goes next week.

Work~
My work outside the home is pretty crazy right now.  I've got so much going on.  My day starts very early and ends very late.  Which is probably why I slept straight through my alarm this morning... Thank goodness I've nearly perfected my "routine" so that I'm organized & was able to fly out the door quickly this morning. 

Makeup~
I've got several reviews to do for you guys, and a giveaway will be hosted soon.  With my Sample Society by Beauty Bar subscription box, I'm always trying new things.  It is my goal to test the rest of the items that I haven't gotten to yet, so I can report my Sample Society box reviews next week. 

Crafting~
I'm starting a crochet project very soon that I'll share with you.  I haven't done much with yarn in years, so I'm excited to start it up again.  I realized the other day that I could take my yarn & hooks to work with me & crochet in my down time.  [I'm having a really hard time staying awake at work some days, so this would keep me busy]

Organization~
My master bathroom redo is finished and I'll have a post on that next week as well.  My next project is my master bedroom closet [YIKES]!  That is the only room that has NEVER been organized since we moved in.  Don't judge... Even Monica Geller had a "junk closet"!

Bookworm~
Right now I'm taking a step back in time 16 years and reading the Harry Potter series.  I never jumped on the Potter bandwagon [don't smite me].  Well the other day I was teasing Jess cause I was sleepy and I said, "read me a story".  She started to read me the first Harry Potter book, and I was like, "wow this is really good!  I want to know what happens next!"  So here I am... a total "Potter Poser" as my son likes to call me.  Oh well... better late than never to the world of Witchcraft & Wizardry right?  If you have a GoodReads account, friend me on there! 

I'm excited for a new week and to share new posts with you all!  Hope you all have a wonderful weekend! 

weekly update [pohs]

Well it's been 2 weeks since my Avastin injection.  I've noticed a lot of improvement in my vision.  Today at work I was able to disable Windows Magnifier.  Yay! 

I've been doing A LOT of research on POHS.  I keep reading that stress is a major factor in bleeding onset.  I know that this is controversial amongst doctors, but the patients can vouch for this.  I got to thinking... I went a year with my right eye and nothing in my left.  Then as soon as I started a second job, my left started bleeding.  I can see that the added work/stress very well could have been a factor. 

Since then I've been working REALLY HARD at keeping stress out of my life.  With 2 jobs and a family, some times this is a hard task.  I'm going to do a series soon on living stress free & relaxation.  I think this is beneficial to anyone, but especially beneficial t POHS sufferers. 

Other posts about my POHS:

Initial Diagnosis

2 days after Avastin #1

1 week after Avastin #1

2 weeks after Avastin #1

Dealing with POHS

avastin update [5.20.13]

Tomorrow will a full week since my first shot of Avastin.  I have noticed a mild improvement in my vision already.  I was able to decrease the font size on my kindle a little, and I can see my text messages easie.  YAYYYY!  Yesterday completed my round of anti-biotic drops in my eye, I seem to have successfully kept from getting an injection.  All in all I'd say that it was a successful injection!  I go back to my RS [retinal specialist] mid-june.  Hopefully, I'll walk out of there with a success of no bleeding!  *Fingers crossed*

Do you have POHS?  Please share your story below, I love reading and learning about other's experiences. 

Read more posts about my POHS:


Initial Diagnosis

2 days after Avastin #1

1 week after Avastin #1

2 weeks after Avastin #1

Dealing with POHS

avastin shot update [pohs]

Well it's been 2 days since my first Avastin injection for my POHS.  The injection wasn't as scary as I had expected it to be.  The rest of the day I felt pretty sleepyyy and mildly uncomfortable in my eye.  Yesterday I discovered little floaters that looked like things swimming around in my eye.  After some research and asking people with POHS, I found this is normal with Avastin injections.  Today I feel much better.  I still have some discomfort, && I'm tired, but all in all I'm starting to feel more normal.

I just wanted to pop in and provide an update.  I try not to sit at the computer any longer than I have to right now.  I'm still sensitive to the light.  Have a wonderful weekend!

Read more about my experience with Presumed Ocular Histoplasmosis:

Initial Diagnosis

2 days after Avastin #1

1 week after Avastin #1

2 weeks after Avastin #1

Dealing with POHS

30 and falling apart? [health update]

Have you ever heard of Presumed Ocular Histoplasmosis?  Yeah me either... Within the last 3 months I've developed vision problems in my eyes.  Blurriness, unable to read without magnifying x100, lines are squiggly, and complete loss of central vision in my right eye.  Fun. 

To make an awfully long and painful visit to the Retinal Specialist, I was diagnosed with Presumed Ocular Histoplasmosis Syndrome [POHS].  This has made working very difficult for me.  I have to utilize Windows Magnifier just to get around on the computer.  Since I blog and work in I.T. at my out of the home job, things have been difficult.  Blogging had to take a backseat. 

I have my first appointment tomorrow for my treatment.  There is no cure for POHS unfortunately, and since the scarring is already so bad in my right eye, I won't regain vision in it.  The left eye is the eye that will be receiving treatment.  The treatment I'm undergoing is a series of injections into my eye with the medicine Avastin.  The insurance company is fighting covering the treatment, which hasn't been fun. 

I'm anxious and unsure if I'm ready for this appointment tomorrow, yet I'm keeping positive thoughts.  I'll update you in a few days after the treatment. 

To read about my updates after this post click links below:

Initial Diagnosis

2 days after Avastin #1

1 week after Avastin #1

2 weeks after Avastin #1

Dealing with POHS