I chose peace: A life update

Thursday, August 5, 2021

 Hi, hello! I’ve been trying to decide where to go with this blog for a while, and recently came to my decision. I figured the best thing to do is to sit down for a life update post and go from there so it’s not completely out of left field and so I can explain the “why”.

First of all, let me reintroduce myself. I’m Emilee. I’m in my late 30’s and I live in Wichita, KS with my girlfriend of 13 years and our 2 cats and dog. We moved to Wichita 2 years ago (you can see that post here), and I couldn’t be more happy with that decision. When I say my life is full and I’m genuinely happy… that’s an understatement. I haven’t felt this happy and at peace in a very long time.

I think I’ll start where I left off in my last post. We had just moved here, I was naively thinking I would get to stay home and work on my businesses. Boy was I wrong. For a few reasons: One, I seriously underestimated how quickly I’d miss being around humans during the day. Looking back now, I wish I had reveled in it a little bit more haha! Anyway, there’s only so many conversations you can have with your pets. Believe me, this was the most surprising part for me. My job before we moved sucked the soul out of me and I HATED being around people because of it, but I did get lonely after about 3 months of it. Reason two, J made enough money for us to pay all of our bills and living expenses, but we didn’t have any “fun money”. Wichita has a lot to do, and without extra spending money it makes it hard to experience the city. I wanted to try ALL the restaurants and ALL the coffee shops. I wanted to check out the boutiques, antique malls, etc etc etc. So, I started looking for a job. I put my resume in at a few places, and I was being very selective. I was fortunate enough to be in a situation where I could be selective. I wanted a very specific job, and that’s exactly what I got. I manifested the shit out of that job!

Since I was working and making great money, I didn’t need Etsy anymore. It wasn’t a sustainable lifestyle for me anymore. I worked full-time now, I was developing arthritis in my hands from working with clay for literal hours every single day, and it wasn’t fun. Etsy for me started out as something I wanted to do for fun, and as it turned out… people really liked my planner clips. Then it became a job. I loved doing Etsy, I truly did. I loved my customers and all the wonderful experiences I got from doing Etsy. My clips were published in several magazines, how cool is that?! I loved every minute of my Etsy shop. When I opened my Etsy shop in 2015 I only worked 28hrs a week at my job, so when I got my new full time job in Wichita I put the shop on vacation to acclimate to my new job. It was then that I realized how burned out I was on my Etsy shop and social media. I took a loooooong break. My intentions were to come back to it when I was ready to treat it like a “hobby” again, but that didn’t happen. I took my shop off of vacation last month and officially closed it. It was incredibly hard for me to let go of my Etsy shop. I had put so much energy and time into over the years, I actually had to give myself time to mourn it. I’m completely at peace with my decision and don’t regret it. I started missing having a creative outlet though, that’s one of the reasons I’m picking up my blog again. I also got really into my bullet journal at the end of 2020 and enjoying that creativity. Since I’m not sharing every page with the world on social media, I’m not critical of my bullet journal, and enjoy it for me. That actually sums up a lot of my personal changes… giving myself permission to do/say/feel what I love/want without caring what other people think. When you have such a heavy presence on social media like I did before (a lot dropped me after I stopped posting pretty planner pictures every day, and that’s perfectly fine) it’s exhausting. There’s so much pressure to post the perfect photos with the perfect filters for whatever aesthetic is popular at the time.

I lost a lot of baggage when I started to live my life for me. My shoulders were lighter and I could breathe easier. This all wasn’t from dropping Etsy, there’s personal relationships that have dissipated too and that’s okay. I think that sometimes people don’t like it when you find yourself and you’re genuinely happy. Misery loves company, right? I have made SO MANY wonderful friends and developed SO MANY wonderful relationships in Wichita. My heart is incredibly full. I can’t really describe it, but I didn’t have a lot of adult “grown up” friendships where I lived previously. I didn’t have an overabundance of friendships there in general. I had a lot of acquaintances and a couple “good” friends. I can’t believe what a difference location and small personal changes have made. I can honestly say I’m thriving. Not just living. Not just surviving. I’m thriving.

During the window from when we moved to when I got a job, I spent a lot of time meditating, doing yoga, grounding, and practicing my spiritual craft. This had a major role in improving me into the person I am today. Happy, peaceful, joyful, and blessed. I spent a lot of time in my head working on my personal demons, past trauma, and doing some real shadow work on myself. I had to forgive myself for things and forgive others for things (or at least let them go and move on). My spirituality is very important to me and I now have the tools to unpack unnecessary baggage and not feel guilty. I have the tools to be the best version of me I can be. I have the tools to listen to the universe. I have the tools to talk to the universe.  Today isn’t the day to get too deep into that, but I will be sharing more soon.

I’ve mentioned how my last job destroyed my soul. I’m not being dramatic. That job made me hate every single day I had to go. I had a good life, and an amazing partner to share it with but I could never been fully happy as long as I worked there. It was so incredibly toxic and genuinely turned me into a mean, grumpy, pessimistic person. I can’t talk about my job because of security reasons, but man oh man do I LOVE what I do. I’m doing something that matters. I’m helping people. It’s a very rewarding job and I love it.

I thank the universe every single day for J getting a job here in Wichita and uprooting my life. Like I mentioned before, we’ve been together for 13 years and it’s been an amazing 13 years. From raising my son into the amazing grown man he is now, to her college career, and now our life in Wichita. These past 2 years in Wichita have been some of the best and I can't wait to see what's next!

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